Ahh...Sundays.

I try not to feel wounded when Sundays come around. It being the one day a week that many of you think for a second about that which created you. The ONE day...out of SEVEN. Nice. Good to feel appreciated. See, this is why you all used to have world-covering floods and overnight plagues. But, it's okay...really...I'm over it. Maybe. Or maybe after you die we'll have a little chat and I'll bust out your file:

G: So, welcome to your exit interview. Let's start off with a look-see at the stats for your x number of years of mortal existence.

You: Stats? Um...can I just go in and get to the clouds and stuff?

G: We'll get to that...perhaps. We like to see how much of your time was spent thinking about your creator.

You: Oh...errr...see I didn't know...

G: Shhh...so, we've got roughly 526,000 minutes in a year...you were alive for x number of minutes in total. Let's subtract your childhood discount of 3 million minutes, take out the sleeping time discount of y minutes...and it looks like you spent...hmmm...well...

You: What? How much?

G: Well, definitely less than 1% of your waking life. Actually, more like .01%, if that.

You: That can't be right. What about that time at Yosemite?

G: That was 2 minutes, my child, and yes, it's included.

Yeah, I think there might be some changes around the office. But don't change for me, oh no, I don't want that at all. You just go about your business...think what you want to think, and I'll see you down the road. Down the road being tomorrow in your case, Beatrice Prewitt. Sorry...

-IATIA