Veridicus: A New Gospel

So it took me a little while to put this together. Some of the angels had some serious opinions about it and, of course, meetings to discuss it ensued, blah blah blah, here we have the final product. Let’s see if it changes the world.

Veridicus

1: And the LORD called unto Hank, and spake unto him out of the right, front pocket of his jeans, saying,
2: Speak unto MY children, and say unto them that MY wishes be simple:
3: Watch Heroes on NBC Monday nights at 9:00pm, because it’s awesome.
4: Fringe, from the guy that created Lost is also turning out to be pretty cool, but you really have to suspend your disbelief; even more so than with most of The X-Files, but if you just let it all go, you’ll dig it.
5: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is actually really good and John Connor is played by the friend of the cheerleader in Heroes, so that should tell you that it must be sweet. Also, the chick terminator is both hot and funny.
6: Don’t watch any more reality shows. Things that don’t count as reality shows are Dancing With The Stars and American Idol, you can watch those if you have to, but no more Temptation Island and Flavor of Love bullshit.
7: It’s ok for your kids to see stuff with sex, nudity, and swearing, but no violence.
8: And then the LORD called unto Melissa, and spake unto her as she awoke from her anesthesia, saying,
9: Did you really need to upgrade to an over-sized D when you were already a full C? They are ugly and don’t feel good to guys, no matter what they tell you.
10: And then Melissa cried and said unto her friends that she is so depressed and just doesn’t know what she’s going to do,
11: And her friends rolled their eyes and pretended to care and said things like “O my god, Mel, that is so wrong!” and “You didn’t deserve that, girl!”
12: And when the time came that Melissa finally found her happiness again, it was because of the tummy lipo and ass-reshaping surgeries.
13: And then the LORD gave up and spake loudly to their deaf ears, “screw all of you, you are on your own!”